HoleWorld - Guide to the True Underground

--- Stories from the Crust ---
Thoughts On Thanksgiving

  Although you can travel throughout the world in just seconds in cyberspace, sometimes it is tough to make it home (wherever that may be) for the holidays. The National Institute of Holiday Behavior has come up with certain behaviors in which Generation X'ers can make the best of the holidays without the aid of parental figures.

  First of all, plan a party. The holidays are much more fun when you get to party. As the planner of the party, you are ensured a good time. If not, you planned it, you take the blame. Be sure to have plenty of Anderson Valley Winter Solstice on hand to liven things up.

  Plan the meal. Determine which foods fit in the easy-to-prepare holiday traditions category. We suggest turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. If you have questions on how to prepare a turkey, look it up on the internet. When choosing the turkey, get fresh, who wants frozen? Plan on at least two pounds of bird per person. This ensures plenty-O leftovers for the weekend. Don't listen to those who say one pound per person. When preparing your stove-top stuffing(tm), add vegetable soup. This ensures deliciousness.

  When guests arrive, make sure they are armed with beverages for the feast. It is suggested that you have at least one bottle of wine and four northern california micro-brews for every two diners. If football watching is invoved, simply triple the amount of beer. (Be sure to have a bottle of booze in reserves if your friends drink heartily or are in college.)

  No matter how much you really want to, do not watch television during dinner. Do you think the pilgrims watched it while they were eating? Miles Davis is okay to eat by, but leave off the Green Day until after dinner. Be sure to allow any smokers to have a smoke break during dinner. This will make them very happy for the tastiest meal of the year.

   Last, and possibly most important, relax. Enjoy yourself and don't take shit from anybody. Stress is the number one ruiner of holiday fun. If you can, take the next day off work.

  By following these simple procedures, a truly memorable holiday experience will prevail without flying the friendly skies.   Jah.                 -compiled by Pet Foot